Sunday, May 17, 2009

Time In A Bottle

I'm going to open a shop. The name of my shop will be TIME IN A BOTTLE. It will be a small shop in a picturesque setting with tall pine trees and pretty flower boxes at the windows. A huge butterfly will be painted on the front of the building with colorful wings reaching around to cover the side walls as well.

Nobody has enough time, or at least, nobody thinks they have enough time. Everybody longs for more time to relax, to sleep, to read or to write. They want time they've lost, more family time, more play time and, most often, a good time. I believe that in this day and age, I can bottle time, sell it and make a small fortune.

The walls inside my shop will be filled with shelves containing bottles, bottles of time. One area will have a selection of bottles under the category of DOWN TIME. These shelves will hold bottles filled with Nap Time, TV Time, Reading Time, Writing Time, Hammock Time and Chill Time.

The SOCIAL TIME area will have rows and rows of bottles with labels identifying their contents as Family Time, Friend Time, One on One Time, Play Time and A Good Time (sold in 2-packs only, due to its anticipated universal popularity).

SELF-IMPROVEMENT TIME will be available in bottles of Exercise Time, Prayer Time, Being On Time, Making Up for Lost Time, Over Time and Doing Double Time.

A MISCELLANEOUS TIME display will stand in the center of the store beside the checkout counter. Spare Time, Free Time, Fond Memory Time, and Saving Time bottles will rotate on this circular rack.

Instructions for use of my product will direct the consumer to shake the bottle gently and to twist off the cap. Essence of time will immediately flow up and out of the bottle, drifting slowly around the user. Each bottle will be guaranteed to contain scent-free, hypoallergenic time which fully envelops the senses and insures that the consumer's entire mental focus will be on his chosen activity.

Additional instructions will remind the buyer that he paid for this time, thus, he must not let anything interfere with it. He will be advised to keep the bottle close and to be prepared to use it to ward off any individual or individuals who attempt to interrupt his special time. It will be suggested that simply grasping the bottle at the narrow end and raising it threateningly above the head will prove to be effective in most cases.

The selling price per bottle will be five dollars. I'll make the product in a small room attached to the back of the shop. My inventory will include bottles, labels and twist-off caps. Every bottle that I label and seal with a cap will contain the exact same thing, that is, nothing. (This minor detail, I trust, will remain solely between you and me.)

I will post a sign on each wall ensuring customers that if they don't see the time they need in a bottle on a shelf, a special order will be taken and their desired bottle will be ready in 24 hours.

Time is so very, very precious. If consumers can be convinced that they can buy time and I'm certain that they can be, I believe it's my civic duty to supply their needs in the best way I know how.

Secondly, I'm just another starving artist looking for a way to pay for my next meal.


Sarah said...

Ohhhhh, I will SO be a regular customer! Brilliant my dear, brilliant!!!

Anonymous said...

Auntie Babe has heard of selling air in a bottle, but time is certainly a different concept. There are gullible people who just might bite. What a novel thought.

Rob said...

I like this. Might I offer some possible slogans for "Time in a Bottle"? :)

Takehomeastitch ...
Serving time ...
Gather ye bottles while ye may ...

Really enjoyed the post, as always, Shaddy!

darkened_jade said...

I think this is an item for the pet rock lovers of the world - though I think this one is slightly more appealing than the pet rock. I like your sample bottle. I know a lot of people that I would like to give that to as a present.

Anonymous said...

I think Time in a Bottle is a fabulous idea. You're right. Everyone wants more of it. It should be a good, easy sell.

~ Courtney