Sunday, May 31, 2009

Wanted: Dead or Alive


Yesterday, I went to the Y to swim laps. Before I left the house, I packed a bag with all I'd need to swim, shower, do a little something with my hair and throw on a touch of makeup. I jumped in my truck and five minutes later I was parked and heading for the pool.

I picked out a locker and undressed down to my underwear. I started to pull stuff out of my bag, when it dawned on me that I'd forgotten one thing. I had my swim goggles, swim cap, lap counter, and shower sandals. I had shampoo, body wash, facial cleanser and washcloth. (The Y provides towels). I had my curling iron and makeup bag. Do you know what I forgot? Hint: It's critical in most social situations involving swimming activities. I nearly beat my head against my locker when I realized I was lacking a swimsuit.

Actually, I wasn't all that surprised. I'd just mentioned to Lon at breakfast, that I often can't see the forest for the trees. Although upset with myself, I maintained my composure and began reaching for my clothes to get dressed. I glanced down and realized I wasn't up a creek without a paddle after all. For comfort purposes, I'd donned a black sports bra (those underwire bras are killers) when I dressed that morning and my briefs were a black, brown and tan leopard print. Hmm, I thought. Maybe, just maybe, I can get away with wearing them. Who will know? The walk from the locker room door to the pool is only six to eight feet. I took a peek in a mirror and decided to go for it.

I put my swim cap and goggles on, slipped my lap counter on my right index finger and headed for the pool. The first door had a sign ~ Please don't wear sports bras, underwear, shorts, or cut-offs in the pool, swimsuits only~ Oh ----! I started talking to myself. This looks like a 2-piece swimsuit, sort of. What about that old sign ~ Shower before entering the pool~ I'd been breaking that rule for years! Why should I conform to this new one?

At the final door to the pool, I faced another sign, just like the other one. I scoffed at it and pulled the door open, mumbling to myself: give me a break, I'm getting old, I forget things. I made a mad dash for the edge of the pool and slipped into the water in less than four seconds. Phew! So far, so good. I looked at the lifeguard and she looked at me. She didn't blow her whistle or accost me in any way. Phew! I relaxed and smiled on the inside; I'd pulled it off. I set to task, swimming from one end of the pool to the other, back and forth, back and forth, clicking my lap counter at each turn.

I stopped when my lap counter reached 36. I caught my breath and looked toward the lifeguard. She wasn't looking my way. Quicker than scat, I scooted out of the pool and back into the locker room. Mission accomplished. As I showered, my thoughts wandered: I'm so crafty, devious and smart...there's a bank next door...with my goggles and swim cap on...and my curling iron as a weapon...maybe I...
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That's when I heard a door slam shut and heavy footsteps coming my way. I bowed my head and prayed for mercy. As the footfalls drew near, I finally had the nerve to look up. An over weight female staff member placed a pile of towels on the counter, turned around and walked away.
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I reckon my conscience is telling me to mend my wicked ways, or at least, obey the signs at the Y.

11 comments:

Gullible said...

Gee, Officer Krupke,you're really a dolt,
this is my swim suit,two pieces, you know.
Please don't blow my cover, don't arrest me and such,
I'm not breaking rules, I'm incognito!

Sarah said...

LOL Gully!

You and your adventures sure make my mornings Shaddy. I am cracking up! I love it!

Have a terrific Monday my dear!

xoxo,
Sarah

Rob said...

Hahaha this was great! You're a wily thing Shaddy. They'll never catch you!

Mary Anne Gruen said...

LOL I promise not to tell.

K.M. Weiland said...

Heehee, you're admitting this online? You're a braver woman than I! ;)

Zelda P. said...

I was on the edge of my seat! I'm glad your "bottoms" held up to the chlorine and that "alls well that ends well."

Walk said...

leopard print huh....

Beth W. said...

This was hilarious. Wish we could all see the video! I'm impressed on at least two counts -- that you have a high fitness level as a runner and swimmer and can pull off wearing a two-piece; and secondly, that you boldly went where this fraidy cat wouldn't have dared. I would have just packed up and gone home. Bravo!

Annie said...

This was great!!!! You sly one you!!!! And I bet you have not been the only one who has bent the rules!!! As I always say, when you think one door has shut, there is always a way in through the back door and my dear you have proven it!!!!

Anonymous said...

Auntie Babe worried during this whole episode that you my get out with a 1 piece suit. Lucky You, you just look too honest to question.

Anonymous said...

Awhhhh, I'm telling.

KathyH