Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Had A Dream


As a child did you have dreams? I mean big old dreams that you disclosed only to those special grown-ups who stooped to your level and asked with gravity, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The one and only dream I ever had as a small child, and honestly the only dream I've had until recently, is this: I want to be a truck driver when I grow up.

During the ensuing years, between my first desire to climb behind the steering wheel of a large motor vehicle and just recently, I forgot my dream. Breathing, eating, going to school, sleeping, going to work, getting married, having a baby, watching television, and so on and so forth, flattened my dream up against the back of my skull. Thinned out to the point of transparency, it nearly ceased to exist.

As I look back, I do detect one quite obvious attempt of my dream to resurrect itself. It occurred back in my early thirties, shortly after my son was born. I bought Jared the book, GO TRUCKS GO, and read it to him every chance I got. At the time, I assumed he loved it, but now I realize that it was I who loved it. I wonder what he thought when I shuffled through his stack of books and chose GO TRUCKS GO over and over again when I read to him. Bless his heart for enduring.

When my dream did come true, I didn't even appreciate it. We purchased a Chevy Avalanche "truck" in 2002 so we could pull our trailer easily, not because I had once dreamed of driving one. I've had a "truck" for seven years! I unbelievably alluded the realization that my one and only dream had come true until only recently. It took over six years before remnants of my long-forgotten desire yanked themselves away from the back wall of my skull, tiptoed to the front and rapped on my forehead. In a moment of revelation, I connected the dots that were scattered like bread crumbs between my childhood wish to drive a truck and the fact that I've indeed been driving one for many, many years. In fact, at this point, I'm an experienced truck driver. My lifelong dream, subconscious for the most part, has come to fruition.

My life is fulfilled and I should be content. But wait, there's more.

After my enlightenment, I sat quietly in my chair going over those childish words: I want to be a truck driver when I grow up. Without warning, a second revelation threw me back against the headrest of my recliner. Based on my childhood dream, if I'm a truck driver, then I must also have grown up. Now, ain't that something! Since 2002, I've been a grown up; that's an unspoken dream, one I never even dared to contemplate.

Wonders never cease. Realizing that dreams do come true, I've concocted a few more. When most folks are winding down, I'm coming alive. I'm doing biathlons and triathlons. I'm creating things with words; things like stories and blogs and such. Now at sixty, I'm a seasoned grown up who's sprouting dreams like tender seedlings in a moist environment.

So sit still and think about what you dreamed of as a child. You'll very possibly realize that you're living your dreams but have been too senile to be unaware of it. Such realizations are likely to give you a second wind. If that happens, don't just sit there, throw up a sail and catch it.

14 comments:

Gullible said...

"They" say that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, "Heck, let's make lemon meringue pie?" Go for it, girlfriend. Too bad about the growing up part, though. Such a thing comes the implied responsibility to ACT grown up.

Shaddy said...

Gully: I don't know what lemons and lemon meringue pie have to do with my story, but thanks for reading and commenting. I agree about the grown up part; although I'm an adult through deductive reasoning, in reality it's all an ACT.

Rob said...

This is good stuff Shaddy. I enjoyed your insight. Thanks for taking us to the other side of the situation. So many times we miss what is right in front of us because we're too busy peering over the very things we have, ignoring them to look for what we believe we want. Good post!

Zelda P. said...

Shaddy,

What a great story! I’m inspired (again) by your outlook on life.

Just yesterday my girlfriend and I were discussing the very subject of what we dreamed of as children and how those dreams relate to what we're doing (or want to be doing) today. I’ve been grappling with the question of what it is I want to do with my life (career, etc.) and your post has reinforced my suspicion that at least part of the answer lies with what I enjoyed most as a child.

I'm glad you shared your thoughts. Thanks.

Shaddy said...

Rob: Yup, we can't see the forest for the trees.
Zelda: Go after your dreams; I know you and I know you can snag whatever you set your mind to. Your funny and serious sides make a formidable team.

Gullible said...

I forget where I was going with that lemon thing. Obviously, I didn't reach it. I think I need a nap.

Shaddy said...

Gully: Oh well, I could sure go for a piece of that lemon meringue pie you mentioned. My jaws are aching just from thinking about it.

Lia said...

Oh good greif!!!!

Your story while as always so beautifully written, as made me realise that one day soon, I will have to acknowlegde the fact that I am indeed a grown up.....*groan*, as if the aches and pains, grey hair, hotflushes,; and increasing loss of tolerence with the idiots of the world weren't enough of an indicator, darn it.

I so wanted to be Peter Pan's girlfriend and get rid of that annoying Wendy, she's such a goody two shoes.

Oh well back to the drawing board of childhood dreams, I don't suppose you know where I can fly with unicorns!!!

Shaddy said...

Lia: I hear and feel your pain. If I run across a flock of unicorns you'll be the first to know. Flying with them sounds like something I'd be interested in too.
(Thank you for your kind words and support of my love of writing).

Walk said...

I wanted to ride with Roy Rodgers until I heard he stuffed Trigger, that scared me stiff. Then I wanted to ride with "Then Came Bronson", but I couldn't afford a motorcycle. Oh well, all those dreams can now be food for writing fodder.

Shaddy said...

Walk: I can't wait to read about you riding wild horses and Harley-Davidson motorcycles, one at a time, please.

Sarah said...

OMG, how perfect is this? Girl, you seem so dialed in to what I'm thinking and can't express on my own. Amazing that you've figured this out and wrote it so eloquently for me. (I know you know what I'm referring to here so I don't have to write it) I'm having one of those "A ha" moments right this second. I can see very clearly all of a sudden.

No wonder I love you so darn much....you're the voice my brain needs.

MUAH! MUAH! MUAH!

cvwriter said...

Nice story. When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a jeweler because I thought that would make me rich. My cousin too. So we started collecting costume jewelry from tags sales. I'm not sure when we gave up that dream. My passion for writing took over my love of sparkly things.

Shaddy said...

Sarie: Seeing clearly is so wonderful isn't it. I have about 5 lucid moments each day and I just love those special times!
Courtney: Your writing sparkles so you're fulfilling your childhood dream along with your present passion. How about that!!