This morning, I responded to a writing prompt presented in Ann Linquist's creative writing site. As a follower, I was invited to consider what plans I'd make if I found out I only had six months to live. I normally submit a response to writing prompts quickly and easily. It's unheard of for me to wait three days to put in my two cents. Ann threw me with this one.
When I first read the prompt, I was taken aback. A few minutes later, I jotted down my initial thoughts on the back of an envelope. My plans were simply lovely. Among them were: I'd write letters telling folks how fond I was of them. I'd pray and read scripture more. I'd banish anxious thoughts. I'd smell the roses. I'd say I love you at every opportunity.
I was haunted by my list. I longed to know what my true reaction would be. Hours and then an entire day passed. I gave the possibility of an aborted future more consideration and I doubted that I would respond as I'd first predicted. I became angry and frustrated at my need to submit something. I made a very different list. It was far from lovely. I foretold things like this: I'd write hate letters. I'd break things. I'd cuss. I'd regret the good things I've done. I'd get even.
My second list seemed more realistic, knowing myself as I do. I decided to submit both of my lists to the writing site. After I clicked the submit button, I wept briefly. I seldom cry.
Maybe in a day or two I'll understand why.
[I can't leave my thoughts for a day or two. I'm still sitting here. I'm often puzzled when I experience negative feelings. I constantly try to fathom issues, myself and others and when I can't (99% of the time), I'm unsettled. Maybe I don't deserve six more months when I see myself as I truly am. I personally know many people who have died prematurely or are now facing the real possibility of death in spite of their goodness].
I've had enough of this for now. It's time to click PUBLISH POST and walk away. Bye.
2 comments:
Ah, Shaddy, You'll note I'm walking my way thought the same agenda with my posts at Ann's site. I think I'm being pretty realistic with them, too.
No one really knows how they will react if that situation arises. We think about it, we may write about it, but we can't know unless we are faced with it. No need to beat yourself up for what you wrote, no one else is. You wrote what you were feeling at the time. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
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